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Billy The Mountain

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Жанры : progressive rock experimental rock jazz classic rock

Видео: Frank Zappa - Billy The Mountain

Billy was a mountain
Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
Billy was a mountain
Billy was a mountain
Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder
( hey, hey, hey! )
Billy had two big
Caves for eyes
With a cliff for a jaw
That would go up or down
And whenever it did
He’d puff out some dust
And hack up a boulder, hack.
Hack up a boulder, hack, hack.
Hack up a boulder, hack, hack.
Hack up a boulder.

Now, one day, and I believe it was on tuesday, a man in checkered
double-knit suit drove up in large el dorado cadillac leased
from bob spreene ( where the freeways meet in downey! )
He laid a huge bulging envelope right at the corner of billy
the mountain, that was right where his foot was supposed to be.
now billy the mountain, he couldn’t believe it: all those postcards
h
Osed for, for all of those years, and finally, now at last, his
royalties! royalties, royalties, royalties! the royalty check
is in, honey! ... yes, billy the mountain was rich! yes,
His eyeball caves, they widened in amazement... and his jaw,
which was a cliff, well it ... it dropped thirty feet! a bunch
of dust puffed out ... rocks and boulders hacked up, hack! hack!
... c
Ng the lincoln ...

I gave him the money
He acted real funny
He hacked up a rock and
It totaled my car
Oh do you
Know any trucks
Might be bound for the valley
I don’t wanna stand here
All night in this bar
( dear lord )
I don’t wanna stand here
All night in this bar
( no shit )
I don’t wanna stand here
All night in this bar

By two o’clock, when bars had already closed down, billy had
broken the big news to ethel, ahhhh, and with dust and boulders
everywhere, billy, choked with exitement, announced: ethel, we’
Ing on a vacation!... yes, and they were going on a vacation,
oh, and ethel, ethel, ethel, like any little woman, she of course
was very excited ... she creaked a little bit, and some old
Flew off of her. billy told ethel they were going to... yes,
they where going to new york! ethel, we’re going to... new york!
but first they were gonna stop in las vegas...

It’s off to las vegas to check out the lounges,
Pull a few handles and drink a few beers, oh ethel,
Ethel, my darling, you know that I love you,
I’m glad we could have a vacation this year,
Oh neat-o, glad we could have a vacation this year.

They left that night, crunchin’ across the mojave desert, their
voices echoing thru the canyons of your minds... ethel, wanna
get a cuppa cawfee? howard johnson’s, ahhh there’s a howard jo
’s! ... wanna eat some clams? ...

The first noteworhty piece of real estate they destroyed was
edwards air force base. and to this very day, wing-nuts and data
reduction clerks alike speak in reverent whispers about that
fateful
T when test stand number one and the rocket sled itself got lunched,
I said lunched, by a famous mountain and his small wooden wife
...

Word just in to the kttv news service undeniably links this mountain
and his wife to drug abuse and payoffs as part of san joaquin
valley smut ring. however, we can assure parents in the s
Rn california area that a recent narcotic crackdown in torrence
... hawthorne ... lomita ... westchester ... playa del rey ...
santa monica ... tujunga ... sunland ... san fernando ... pacoima
.
Lmar ... newhall ... canoga park ... palmdale ... glendale ...
irwindale ... rolling hills ... granada hills ... shadow hills
... cheviot hills ... will provide the secret evidence the palmdale
Jury has needed to seek a criminal indictement and pave the way
for stiffer legislation, increased federal aid, and avert a crippling
strike of bartenders and veterinarians throughout the inlan
Ire ...

Within the week, jerry lewis had hosted a telethon ( la la la
nice lady ) to raise funds for the injured, injured, and homeless,
homeless in glendale, as billy had just l
Ed it. and a few miles right outside of town billy caused a ’oh
mine/my(? ) papa’ in the earth’s crust, right over the secret
underground dumps, right near the jack in the box on glenoaks
where t
Eep the pools of old poison gas and obsolete germs bombs, just
as a freak tornado cruised through ... yes, it was about three
o’clock in the afternoon when little howard kaplan was sitting
on hi
Ch ( toto...!) just playing ( come here, toto ...!) and having
a nice time with his little accordion, (toto...!) and this weird
wind came up, direct from glen
Blowing those terrible germs in his direction ... and all this
caused by huge mountain (aunty em) somewhere over the rainbow,
blue birds fly, sucking up two-thirds of it ( suck, suc
Ck) for an ultimetly dispersal over vast stretches of ... watts!!!

Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of columbus,
ohio when billy received his notice to report for his induction
physical. now lemme tell ya, ethel said, now ethel, ethel said
she
T gonna let him go ... I’m not gonna let you go, billy ... that’s
right, we now have confirmed reports from an informed orange
county minister that ethel is still an active communist
It is this reporter’s opinion that she also practices covent
witch-craft ...

It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the
secret briefcase belonging to one mortal man who might be able
to stop all of this senseless destruction and save america herself.
an
Sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not chief redden. this
one man was studebacher hoch, fantastic new super hero of the
current economic slump. now, some folks say he looked like zubin
meh
Ubin mehta); still others say bullshit, honey, it was just another
greasy guy who happened to be born next to the frozen beef pies
at boney’s market...; still others say pshaw/
(? ), and piss on you, jack, he’s just a crazy iatlian who drove
a red car ... you see, nobody ever really knew for sure because
studebacher was sooooo mysterious ....

He was so ( he was so, he was so) mysterious
He was so ( he was so, he was so) mysterious
’cuz when a person gets to be such a hero, folks
And marvelouse beyond compute
You can never really tell about a guy like that
Whether he’s really a nice person
Or if he just smiles a lot
Or if he has a son named pinocchio or what.
Whether he’s really a nice person
Or if he has a son named pinocchio or what.
Some men say he could fly
Some men say he could swim
Others say he could sing like neil sedaka,
And all the girls in flushing would be amazed of him
Two, three amazed of him ... amazed ...

Time passed. january, february, march, july, wednesdey, august,
irwindale, two-thirty in the afternoon, sunday, monday, funny
cars, walnuts, city of industry, big john masamanian ... so when
the
E ring in the secret briefcase, a strong masculine hand with
a dudley do-right wristwatch and flexy braclet grabbed it and
answered in a deep, calmly assured voice: so... ah... yeah, yeah
Already ... what? ... well, yeah? ... ah-are you kidding? ...
you’re not kidding ... a mountain ... with a tree growing off
of it’s shoulder? aw, you’re fulla shit, man... ah listen, by
the way,
Re you go on; did you get those white albums I sent ya with the
pencil on the front, yeah? yeah, you should move some of those
for me ... we’re having a lot of,...listen, so kiss little jakee
on
Head... and how’s your wife’s hemorrhoids? ...ah, that’s too
bad...listen...so you’ve got a mountain, with a tree, listen,
causing...well, let me write this down... sorta take a few notes
here...
...to el segundo, huh? ...causing

Untold destruction..( my baby, my baby )...wanted for draft evasion?
... an expense account? ... and per diem, too? ...

Some men say he could dance
They said he could dance
And of course they were right ...

Ladies and gentelmen, this is it: the studebacher hoch dancing
lesson & cosmic prayer for guidence, featuring aynsley dunbar!
... hit it! ...
Twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, twirly, fillmore ...
Hey, right hand from a heart
Left hand from a heart
Right hand from a heart
Left hand from a left shoulder
To the heart. fillmore, fillmore ...
Nobody can dance like studebacher hoch ...
So many rumors have spread about studebacher hoch ... consider
this rumor which was published about three weeks ago in rolling
stone ( oh, it’s gotta be true! ) ... studebacher hoch can write
th
D’s prayer on the head of a pin! (no!) do-do-do do-do-doot doot
do-do-do ... ... I’m so hip ... beef pies ... he was born next
to the beef pies, underneath joni mitchell’s autographed pict
Right beside elliot robert’s big bank book, next to the boat
where crosby flushed away all his stash and the cops got him
in the boat and drove away, to the can where neil young slipped
another
...

[ frozen ? ? ? pie
Frozen ? ? ? pie
Frozen ? ? ? pie
And that was the main influence on him
The influence of a frozen beef pie ]

Boldly springing into action he phoned his wife who ran a modeling
school, whereupon he... yes, he ran around the back of the broadway
at hollywood boulevard and vine to see if he could find him
Some big, large, unused cardboard boxes ( no shit! )... after
which he hit up the ralph’s on sunset for some aunt jemima syrup,
some kaiser boiler foil and pair of blunt sissors, yeah! ...
yes,
N the parking lot of ralph’s ... where no prices are lower prices
than ralph’s... in the parking lot of ralph’s, in between a pair
of customized trucks where nobody was looking, he cut out some
Y, really, really nice wings and he covered them thoroughly with foil ...

Then he took those wings and wedged one under each of his powerful
arms and sneaked into a telephone booth ..yes,yes!! and then
he shut the fucking door! ... and he pulled down his blue denim
po
An-type trouser pants, and he spread even amounts of aunt jemima
maple syrup all over the inside of his legs! ... soon the booth
was filling with flies ( help me! help me! help me! ) ... he
held
The legs of his boxer shorts so they could all get in, and when
each and every one of those little cocksucking flies had gone
into his pants and they were lapping up all that maple syrup,
he be
Er and he put his head between his legs and he said in a very
clear, impressive, ron-hubbard-type voice: new york... and the
booth and everything lifted up, out of parking lot, and i
He sky.

Studebacher hoch
Yeah, yeah,
Studebacher hoch
Studebacher hoch
Studebacher hoch
Yeah, yeah,
Studebacher hoch
Studebacher hoch
He’s coating his legs
With aunt jemima syrup up and down
His shorts will be filled with flies
That will be buzzing all around
Studebacher hoch is really outa sight
Studebacher hoch, he does it every night
Studebacher hoch, he treats the flies all right
Studebacher hoch
That’s why they never bite, hey!

Hey please to new york
Fly to new york

He could be a dog
Or a frog
Or a lesbian queen
(fly to new york)
He could be a narc
Or a lady marine
Or he might play dirty
He’s over thirty
Getting old ...
I don’t know
His peculiar attire
And the flies he requires
Keep leading him on
’cuz ethel is gone
They keep leading him on
’cuz ethel is gone
And the mountain she’s on

And speaking of mountains - - we’ll join studebacher hoch on
the edge of billy the mountain’s mouth .. take it away! ...

Ah ... ya, ya, ya, hey-ah, billy, listen ... I’ve come to reason
with you ... our great country needs you in the armed forces
... your number came up ... ya can’t go on running like this
f
R ...

Ah, but ethel just shook her twigs angrily. but studebacher hoch,
calm, cool, collected and unperturbed, continued:

Ya, well listen ... listen you communist sonofabitch ... you
better get your ass down there for your fuckin’ physical or I’ll
see to it that you get used for fill dirt in some impending ne
Sey marsh reclamation ... and your girlfiend there will wind
up disguised as series of brooms, primative ironing boards or
a dog house ... get the ( cough, cough) get the picture?

Ya, well billy just laughed:

Ha, ha, ha. if they think they’re gonna draft me, they’re crazy.

Unfortunately, because studebacher hoch was standing on the edge
of billy the mountain’s mouth when the giant mountain laughed
... studebacher hoch lost his footing and fell screaming, two
hundr
Et into the rubble below ... ( aaahhhhh, oh fuck, I’m gonna need
a truss ...)

Ah listen, that only goes to show you
And it’l show you once again that
A mountain is something you don’t wanna fuck with
You don’t wanna fuck with
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck with billy, no
And don’t fuck with ethel
You saw what just happened
To the guy with the flies

Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
Don’t fuck around
With biddilly, biddilly
Biddilly the mountain

Eddie, are you kidding?
Eddie, are you kidding?
Oh I forgot to mention this is where we take our intermission.
We will see you in a few minutes
Thank you, we’ll be back.

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