Jezebel

To think of my task is chilling. To know I was carefully building the mask I was wearing for two years, swearing I`d tear it off. I`ve sat in the dark explaining to myself that I`m straining too hard for feelings I ought to find easily. Called myself Jezebel. I don`t believe. Before I say that the vows we made weigh like a stone in my heart. Family is family, don`t let this tear us apart. You lie there, an innocent baby. I feel like the thief who is raiding your home, entering and breaking and taking in every room. I know your feelings are tender and that inside you the embers still glow. But I`m a shadow, I`m only a bed of blackened coal. Call myself Jezebel for wanting to leave. I`m not saying I`m replacing love for some other word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you. I`m just saying we`ve mistaken one for thousands of words. And for that mistake, I`ve caused you such pain that I damn that word. I`ve no more ways to hide that I`m a desolate and empty, hollow place inside. I`m not saying I`m replacing love for some other word to describe the sacred tie that bound me to you. I`m not saying love`s a plaything. No, it`s a powerful word, inspired by strong desire to bind myself to you. How I wish that we never had tried to be man and his wife, to weave our lives into a blindfold over both our eyes.