The Lonesome Kicker

<br>Me, I`m the Lonesome Kicker <br>Extra points, field goals at your service <br>One might think it comes with glory <br>You might think different after you listen to my story <br><br>My helmet is equipped with a tiny face mask <br>What it possibly could protect, I do not know <br>The other guys on the team <br>Like to make fun of my little shoulder pads <br>And also like to hide the special shoe <br>I need to kick in the snow <br><br>People think it`s so easy <br>To kick a field goal from the 30 yard line <br>They forget to add seven yards for the snap <br>And 10 more `cause the goal posts are pushed way back <br><br>In 1974, the uprights were right on the goal line <br>But some of the players were running into them <br>And getting hurt <br>So screw the kicker <br>Who cares about the kicker? <br><br>But I kick that ball <br>And I pray it goes straight <br>If it does <br>The coach says "Good job, number 8" <br>He doesn`t even know my name is <br>Andre Kristacovitchlalinski, Jr. <br>But that`s the life I live <br>The Lonesome Kicker <br><br>Kickoffs can be so very scary <br>Especially, if the returner breaks on through <br>And I`m the only guy on the playing field left to tackle him <br>I don`t want to get hurt <br>So I pretend to tie my shoe <br><br>Once again, I`m ignored by my teammates and all my coaches <br>"Go back where you came from!" <br>Scream 70,000 fans <br>Well, I know I could win their love back <br>By catching a winning touch-down <br>But, unfortunately, I was born with these very small hands <br><br>And I hope that the cameras don`t come in too close <br>`Cause they might see the tears in my eyes <br>As I sit on this bench made of cold-hearted wood <br>And the splinters go deep in my thighs <br>And the towel boy snickers as he walks by <br>The Lonesome Kicker <br><br>Another blocked kick <br>And everybody blames me <br>But it was the Left Guard <br>Who didn`t pick up his man <br>Oh, why can`t they see... <br><br>In my home country <br>I could have been a minor league soccer player <br>But I came to America <br>Seeking fortune and seeking fame <br>I didn`t realize that if I shanked one <br>And blew the point spread <br>Some drunk guys would push me into their hibachi <br>After the game <br><br>So I go home at night <br>`Cause I never get invited <br>To go drinking with the other guys <br>And I sit in my chair, and I soak my foot <br>As I eat a plate of cold french fries <br>And my wife`s out with her quote-unquote friend <br>And my son can`t look me in the eyes <br>But that`s the life I live <br>The Lonesome Kicker <br><br>Kicking for you <br>They took my snow shoe <br>They`re going for two