Classified

<br>(Bill Fries, Chip Davis)<br><br>I`s thumbin` through the want ads in the Shelby County Tribune when this classified advertisement caught my eye. It said, &quot;Take imme-di-ate delivery on this `57 Chevrolet half-ton pickup truck. Will sell or swap for a hide-a-bed and thirty-five bucks. Call One-four-oh, ring two, and ask for Bob.&quot; <br><br>Well, I called Bob up on the telephone, he says, &quot;Hello, this is Bob speakin`.&quot; I says &quot;This here the Bob got the pickup truck for sale?&quot; He says, &quot;Yeah.&quot; I says, &quot;Where are ya?&quot; He says, &quot;Fourteen east on County 12, turn right on the one-lane gravel road, you can park in the yard, beware of the dog, wipe your feet off, knock three times, and bring your billfold.&quot; <br><br>Well, I tooled on east on County 12, turned right on the one-lane gravel road, and I parked in the yard and a German shepherd come out and grabbed onto my leg. Then I knocked three times and wiped my feet, the dog let go and the screen door opened and Bob come out and says &quot;Whaddya want?&quot; I says, &quot;Come to see your truck.&quot; He says, &quot;Follow me. Come on, Frank.&quot; (Dog`s name is Frank.) <br><br>Well, we all went past the chicken house, through the hog pen, down to the tractor shed, and then wound up in back of the barn in a field of cowpies. And settin` right there in a pool of grease was a half-ton Chevy pickup truck with a 1960 license plate, a bumper sticker says &quot;Vote for Dick&quot; and Brillo box full of rusty parts, and Bob says &quot;Whaddya think?&quot;. <br><br>Well, I kicked the tires and I got in the seat and set on a petrified apple core and found a bunch of field mice livin` in the glove compartment. He says, &quot;Her shaft is bent and her rear end leaks, you can fix her quick with an oily rag. Use a nail as a starter; I lost the key. Don`t pay no mind to that whirrin` sound. She use a little oil, but outside a` that, she`s cherry.&quot; <br><br>I says, &quot;What`ll take?&quot; He says, &quot;What`ve you got?&quot; I says, &quot;Twenty-eight dollars and fifteen cents.&quot; He says, &quot;You got a deal. Sign here, I`ll go get the title and a can full of gas.&quot; I put the nail in the slot and fired `er up; she coughed and belched up a bunch a` smoke and I backed her right through the hog pen into the yard. <br><br>Well, Frank jumped in and bit my leg and I beat him off with a crowbar. He jumped on out and the door fell off and the left front tire went flat. I jacked it up and patched the tube and Frank tore a piece of my shirt off. Then Bob come out and called him off and says &quot;You better`d get on out of here.&quot; <br><br> I went left on the one-lane gravel road, went fourteen west on County 12. Took two full quarts of forty-weight oil just to get her to the Conoco station. And I pulled up to the Regular pump and then Harold Sykes and his kid come out. He says, &quot;I`ve seen better stuff at junkyards and where`d you ever get that truck?&quot; <br><br>I says, &quot;That`s a long story, Harold. I`s thumbin` through the want ads in the Shelby County Tribune when this classified advertisement caught my eye. It said, &quot;Take imme-di-ate delivery on this `57 Chevrolet half-ton pickup truck. Will sell or swap for a hide-a-bed and thirty-five bucks...&quot;