The Marshall Mathers LP

[Eminem]<br>A lot of people ask me.. stupid fuckin questions<br>A lot of people think that.. what I say on records<br>or what I talk about on a record, that I actually do in real life<br>or that I believe in it<br>Or if I say that, I wanna kill somebody, that.. <br>I`m actually gonna do it<br>or that I believe in it<br>Well, shit.. if you believe that<br>then I`ll kill you<br>You know why?<br>Cuz I`m a<br><br>CRIMINAL<br>CRIMINAL<br>You god damn right<br>I`m a CRIMINAL<br>Yeah, I`m a CRIMINAL<br><br>[Eminem]<br>My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge<br>That`ll stab you in the head<br>whether you`re a fag or lez<br>Or the homosex, hermaph or a trans-a-vest<br>Pants or dress - hate fags? The answer`s "yes"<br>Homophobic? Nah, you`re just heterophobic<br>Starin at my jeans, watchin my genitals bulgin (Ooh!)<br>That`s my motherfuckin balls, you`d better let go of em<br>They belong in my scrotum, you`ll never get hold of em<br>Hey, it`s me, Versace<br>Whoops, somebody shot me!<br>And I was just checkin the mail<br>Get it? Checkin the `male`?<br>How many records you expectin to sell<br>after your second LP sends you directly to jail?<br>C`mon!-- Relax guy, I like gay men<br>Right, Ken? Give me an amen (AAA-men!)<br>Please Lord, this boy needs Jesus<br>Heal this child, help us destroy these demons<br>Oh, and please send me a brand new car<br>And a prostitute while my wife`s sick in the hospital<br>Preacher preacher, fifth grade teacher<br>You can`t reach me, my mom can`t neither<br>You can`t teach me a goddamn thing cause<br>I watch TV, and Comcast cable<br>and you ain`t able to stop these thoughts<br>You can`t stop me from toppin these charts<br>And you can`t stop me from droppin each March<br>with a brand new cd for these fuckin retards<br>Duhhh, and to think, it`s just little ol` me<br>Mr. "Don`t Give A Fuck," still won`t leave<br><br>Chorus: Eminem (repeat 2X)<br><br>I`m a CRIMINAL<br>Cuz every time I write a rhyme, these people think it`s a crime<br>to tell em what`s on my mind - I guess I`m a CRIMINAL<br>but I don`t gotta say a word, I just flip em the bird<br>and keep goin, I don`t take shit from no one<br><br>[Eminem]<br>My mother did drugs - tar, liquor, cigarettes, and speed<br>The baby came out - disfigured, ligaments indeed<br>It was a seed who would grow up just as crazy as she<br>Don`t dare make fun of that baby cause that baby was me<br>I`m a CRIMINAL - an animal caged who turned crazed<br>But how the fuck you sposed to grow up when you weren`t raised?<br>So as I got older and I got a lot taller<br>My dick shrunk smaller, but my balls got larger<br>I drink malt liquor to fuck you up quicker<br>than you`d wanna fuck me up for sayin the word ...<br>My morals went thhbbpp when the president got oral<br>Sex in his Oval Office on top of his desk<br>Off of his own employee<br>Now don`t ignore me, you won`t avoid me<br>You can`t miss me, I`m white, blonde-haired<br>and my nose is pointy<br>I`m the bad guy who makes fun of people that die<br>in plane crashes and laughs<br>As long as it ain`t happened to him<br>Slim Shady, I`m as crazy as Em<br>-inem and Kim combined - *kch* the maniac`s in<br>Replacin the doctor cause Dre couldn`t make it today<br>He`s a little under the weather, so I`m takin his place<br>(Mm-mm-mmm!) Oh, that`s Dre with an AK to his face<br>Don`t make me kill him too and spray his brains all over the place<br>I told you Dre, you should`ve kept that thang put away<br>I guess that`ll teach you not to let me play with it, eh?<br>I`m a CRIMINAL<br><br>[Interlude Skit]<br>Aight look (uh huh) just go up in that motherfucker<br>get the motherfuckin money and get the fuck up outta there<br>[Em] Aight<br>I`ll be right here waitin on you<br>[Em] Aight