The Real Slim Shady

Y`all act like ya never seen a white person before <br /> Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door <br /> And started whooping her ass worse than before <br /> They first were divorce, throwin?her over furniture (Ahh!) <br /> It`s the return of the... <br /> "Ah, wait, no way, you`re kidding, <br /> he just didn`t say what I think he did, did he?" <br /> And Dr. Dre said... <br /> Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre`s dead, he`s locked in my basement! <br /> (Ha-ha!) <br /> Feminist women love Eminem <br /> "{*Eminem`s vocal turntable*} Slim Shady, I`m sick of him <br /> Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what <br /> Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he`s so cute though" <br /> Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose <br /> But no worse than what`s going on in your parents` bedrooms <br /> Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can`t <br /> But it`s cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose <br /> "My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips" <br /> And if I`m lucky, you might just give it a little kiss <br /> And that`s the message that we deliver to little kids <br /> And expect them not to know what a woman`s clitoris is <br /> Of course they gonna know what intercourse is <br /> By the time they hit fourth grade <br /> They got the Discovery Channel don`t they? <br /> "We ain`t nothing but mammals" <br /> Well, some of us cannibals <br /> Who cut other people open like cantaloupes <br /> But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes <br /> Then there`s no reason that a man and another man can`t elope <br /> But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote <br /> Women wave your panty-hoes, sing the chorus and it goes <br /> <br /> 1- I`m Slim Shady, yes I`m the real Shady <br /> All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating <br /> So won`t the real Slim Shady please stand up? <br /> Please stand up, please stand up <br /> <br /> Cuz I`m Slim Shady, yes I`m the real Shady <br /> All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating <br /> So won`t the real Slim Shady please stand up? <br /> Please stand up, please stand up <br /> <br /> Will Smith don`t gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records <br /> Well I do so "Fuck him and fuck you too!" <br /> You think I give a damn about a Grammy? <br /> Half of you critics can`t even stomach me let alone stand me <br /> "But Slim, what if you win, wouldn`t it be weird?" <br /> Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here <br /> So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears <br /> Shit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs <br /> So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst <br /> And hear them argue over who she gave head to first <br /> You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV <br /> "Yeah, he`s cute, but I think he`s married to Kim, hee-hee" <br /> I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world <br /> how you gave Eminem VD <br /> I`m sick of you little girl and boy groups <br /> All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you <br /> And there`s a million of us just like me <br /> Who cuss like me; who just don`t give a fuck like me <br /> Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me <br /> And just might be the next best thing but not quite me! <br /> <br /> Repeat 1 <br /> <br /> I`m like a head trip to listen to cuz I`m only giving you <br /> Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room <br /> The only difference is I got the balls to say it <br /> In front of y`all and I don`t gotta be frost or sugar coated at all <br /> I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it <br /> I just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out there <br /> Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums <br /> It`s funny cuz at the rate I`m going when I`m 30 <br /> I`ll be the only person in the nursing home flirting <br /> Pinching nurses asses when I`m jacking off with Jergens <br /> And I`m jerkin?but this whole bag of Viagra isn`t working <br /> And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking <br /> He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings <br /> Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don`t give a fuck!" <br /> With his windows down and his system up <br /> So, will the real Shady please stand up? <br /> And put one of those fingers on each hand up? <br /> And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control <br /> And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go? <br /> <br /> Repeat 1 <br /> Repeat 1 <br /> <br /> Ha ha <br /> Guess there`s a Slim Shady in all of us <br /> Fuck it, let`s all stand up