I`m Single

<br>Oh, ho, I`m single, and my life`s about me again.<br>That woman long neglected, I`ll find out who I am.<br>Oh, ho I`m single. I`m single and I`m loving it!<br>I have taken up old hobbies, I have no time for a man.<br>I`ll call up my old friends, the ones that I once knew<br>So we can bond again, just like we used to do<br>You`re married with two kids, oh gee,<br>Well, that`s too bad for you.<br>Because I`m single. I am woman I am goddess<br>I`ve always loved fried green tomatoes,<br>So it was always meant to be.<br>I feel my rebirth. I`ll find a female soul mate.<br>We`ll take off for the country, just like Thelma and Louise<br>I`ve called up every household in phonebooks A through Z<br>To find another goddess to share my destiny<br>And now I`m quite convinced, the only single one is me.<br>When I buy poultry, two thirds of it goes rotten<br>I correspond with inmates and I don`t comb my hair.<br>They`ve claimed my two legs as federally owned forest<br>It`s been months since I`ve shaved them,<br>Cause there`s been no one here to care<br>They call me nasty names at every corner bar<br>I need to see a shrink, this thing has gone too far<br>Last night I threw myself down stairs just for the C.P.R.<br>Oh, ho, I`m single and I`m not hearing voices!!<br>You say that cause you`re jealous of all the fun I`ve had<br>Wait, I`m not single. I`ve got some special friends now<br>We live in here together and I don`t feel so bad<br>I have a female soul mate, her name is Emily<br>Don`t tell me you don`t see her, she`s standing next to me<br>And she doesn`t call me sick or weird or deranged mentally<br>Just cause I`m single.