Past Life Regressed

<br>I went down to meet my girlfriends for lunch the ones<br>who like to<br>moan and complain about their lives just like me,<br>But when I got there, they were smiling, they were happy, I thought<br>What`s up with that?? What the hells up with that?<br>They said we`ve just come from our<br>past life therapist who took us<br>back to our lives gone by and man they were fine<br>And now we feel okay with our present cause<br>We had one hell of a past<br>And they said:<br>Considering the state of your sad pathetic life,<br>why you must have been<br>Some sort of cultural icon in an era gone by!<br>Great. Thanks.<br>Well, I got myself a session,<br>I lay down on the couch and she said,<br>Sleep! Sleep! Sleep! Sleep!<br>And my mind it started reeling like some psychedelic drug thing<br>And I found myself in a field (smelling very badly)<br>I heard a grunt and everything went black<br>Well when I came to she said, &quot;You`re not going to like this<br>But your past life was spent as an indigent serf<br>And while foraging a meal of roots and potatoes,<br>You were attacked by a wild boar.&quot;<br>I said, &quot;Well that sounds a lot like my last blind date, are you sure you didn`t get the signals crossed?&quot; She said, &quot;I don`t think<br>So.&quot; I said, &quot;Well, when I met this tragic, bloody death, was I<br>and indigent serf in a satisfying committed relationship?&quot;<br>She said, &quot;No.&quot;<br><br>As if my life weren`t bad enough, good lord I`m more depressed<br>Cause I was just some low life peasant,<br>when I past life regressed.<br><br>She said, &quot;We`re going to try this again, usually the best possible<br>Past life comes to the forefront first but maybe there`s something wrong with the default mechanism, lets give it another shot.<br><br>Well, she took me back further and it got more scary<br>I was an ice age chick who ate a deadly berry<br>And I stumbled out of my cave to die alone in the snow.<br>I said, &quot;Well when I was this ice age chick,<br>did I have a man to call mine?&quot;<br>She said, &quot;Honey, when you died you were ten at the time.&quot;<br>I said, &quot;Well, they started pretty young back then. . ..&quot;<br><br>She said, &quot;No.&quot;<br><br>As if my life weren`t bad enough well now I`m more depressed<br>Cause I was just some low life peasant<br>When I past life regressed<br><br>I had a friend turns out, she was Cleopatra!<br>I had another friend . . .um . . . she was Cleopatra as well.<br>I had a third friend. . . well, suffice to say<br>PMS around that palace must have been a living hell<br>But I wasn`t there. I wasn`t anywhere even near that<br>Socioeconomic strata.<br>Well, we kept revisiting my soul as it cycled on down<br>the food chain, and at every point along the spiral<br>I struck out miserably.<br><br>Until finally, we reached my life as a plant.<br>And i said, &quot;Cross pollination! I`m getting LUCKY tonight!&quot;<br>She said, &quot;You were mugwort. And mugwort reproduces<br>asexually.<br>(Talk about setting an early precedent for yourself.)<br><br>As if my life weren`t bad enough, well now I`m more depressed<br>Cause I was just some low life peasant<br>A foul smelling ignorant serf<br>An ice age chick probably dug up by some school kids.<br>Even as a DAMN PLANT I couldn`t get any action<br><br>When I past life regressed.