Bowel Movement

{*a parody of Eric B. & Rakim`s song "Move the Crowd"*}<br><br>Standing in my bedroom suddenly I had this<br>Feeling like I ate an anvil and had to pass it<br>So I just can`t stand around<br>So I start running and the faster I run the harder it pounds<br>I break down the bathroom door, drop my drawers to the floor<br>Was pushing so hard that my teeth were sore<br>The veins are bulging out of my head<br>And I`m thinking out loud to myself and I said<br>How can I move my bowels?<br>First of all, I better get more paper towels<br>It`s the distruction of my bathroom<br>I`m constipated, a disaster<br>So I start poppin` ExLax like M&Ms<br>I put the dog outside and warned all my friends<br>Is this the most that I can eat?<br>`Cause if not, I may have to wait another week<br>But don`t make me wait too long `cause it`s been at least a month<br>Since I was last on the john<br>So I open the lid and grumble and growl<br>`Cause I got to move my bowels<br><br>Imagine me with a leak like the Exxon Valdeez<br>It`s the smell that`s making me wheeze<br>A garden hose doesn`t have this much power<br>I`m splashing so much it sounds like I`m in the shower<br>My lower intestines, they growl like a jaguar<br>Everything inside falls out like Niagara<br>Polluting the air is so much fun<br>Now I`m on the john, the neighborhood is on the run<br>For those that know me I often blow their mind<br>Because they know I go for days at a time<br>I`ve seen magicians who can pull hankerchiefs out their hand<br>But can they pull out toilet paper like I can?<br>It`s an incredible size, doesn`t fit through my thighs<br>And it`s burning my eyes and attracting the flies<br>But I`m-a keep going till the EPA calls out<br>My butt producing lots of nuclear fallout<br>With odor itself there`s nothing I can`t melt<br>For miles around the vibrations are felt<br>This is dangerous stuff it`s not a bluff it`s been proven<br>Indeed I think I need to make my bowels keep moving