My Doctor`s a Quack

{*a parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot`s song "Baby Got Back"*}<br><br>I feel sick and I just might die<br>And I honestly don`t know why<br>But when my doc walked in with a huge seringe<br>And a big grin on his face I passed out<br>Which doctor is mine? Then I learned the witch doctor is mine<br>What in God`s name am I wearin`?<br>My butt`s stickin` out of the rear end<br>Oh my God, I wanna go back home<br>And go to the bathroom<br>My homeboys came to visit<br>The doc saw my cut and then he kissed it<br>A termometer he pulled out<br>But he doesn`t wanna put it in my mouth<br>I said back up! Back up!<br>`Cause you ain`t gonna shove it in my butt<br>I feel much better now<br>To Hell with my medicine<br>My bed, lead!<br>He`s poking me all over my head<br>The food is made of slime<br>And it really should be a crime<br>Take the average dinner and eat this stuff<br>It comes right back up<br>So cooks (yeah) cooks (yeah)<br>Does it taste better coming back up (hell yeah)<br>My doctor said eat it (eat it) eat it (eat it)<br>It`ll make you feel alright<br>Doc is a quack!<br>My doctor`s a quack!<br><br>The nurse was big and round<br>She took up the whole town<br>I just couldn`t help it when I saw her<br>My puke went flyin`, without even tryin`<br>She knocked me down on the floor<br>Then "Clear (zap) clear (zap)"<br>I ain`t takin` those pills<br>That`s birth control, or couldn`t you tell<br>The doctor came to test my reflex<br>But there`s no reflex in<br>The middle of my chin<br>He hit me and my mouth caved in<br>I`m lookin` at all the other docs<br>Reputations solid as a rock<br>Why can`t my Doc be smart<br>I`m stuck with Groucho Marx<br>Somebody get me some help please call a paramedic<br>My doc`s pathetic<br>`Cause he wants to drill a hole in my head<br>I`m gonna scream till the break of dawn<br>What`s my life worth?<br>He thinks I`m gonna give birth<br>This guy wants to search my body cavity<br>I`d rather be impaled on a fence<br>I`m restrained, I`m in pain<br>And my underwear`s got a big stain<br>"Does this hurt?" yeah "Does this hurt?" yeah<br>As he keeps on pokin` my gizzard<br>He said open up, say ahhhh<br>Then he shoved the little stick in my eye<br>Doc is a quack!<br>My doctor`s a quack!<br><br>They wheel me around in a gernie<br>I feel like I`m in Weekend At Bernie`s<br>But Bernie never had to go through all of this torture<br>Which cost a fortune<br>All I want is to get out alive<br>He grabbed me and told me to cough<br>But he enjoyed it a little too much<br>Some people think I should try to sue him<br>`Cause my future`s lookin` real grim<br>He cut me and enjoyed it<br>I didn`t move fast enough to avoid it<br>He wants to cut open my brain<br>He thinks it`ll stop the pain<br>But I know that`s wrong and I just can`t fight it<br>It`s Appendicitis<br>A garden hose he shoved in me<br>This ain`t no I.V<br>He said he gave me a sedative<br>But I think he gave me a laxative<br>This knucklehead`s really a chump<br>And now I gotta take a dump<br>I`m not sick somebody tell him<br>If I live through this I`m gonna kill him<br>This guy`s really gettin` on my nerves<br>His treatment is for the birds<br>So shove his medicine back in his face<br>And get me out of this place<br>Doc is a quack!<br>My doctor`s a quack!