Ozzman

{*a parody of Sir Mix-A-Lot`s song "Iron Man"*}<br><br>You can come and see my band, as I command<br>Heavy metal rhythms from a middle aged man<br>Smack my doggies when they crap on the rug<br>But then I feel bad because I love that pug<br>For years I`ve peddled, hard rock metal<br>Got a dozen lawsuits but I`m hoping to settle<br>I go on tour, the fans want more<br>I love to throw things at the people next door<br>I got kids showing up at all hours of the night<br>Can`t stand it but I handle it and try to be polite<br>Gettin` old before my time thanks to Kelly and Jack<br>Arthritis in my knee and a crick in my back<br>Now I`m back on the scene `though some find it obscene<br>I`ll be rockin` like this till I rupture a spleen<br>A lot of dummies get money in a sound-alike band<br>But nothing there can compare to the true Ozzman<br><br>I hold the record in Guinness for bat heads finished<br>I`m finding new ways to mutilate the Queen`s English<br>My son wears cammo, he wants live ammo<br>I can`t allow that or the house`ll go kablammo<br>I shave my stubble, I don`t want trouble<br>But the prince of friggin` darkness doesn`t need no damn bubbles<br>Like where I reside? I`ll be your tour guide<br>I bought it for a song I wrote about suicide<br>The bad boy of rock, not to be mocked<br>Move onto my block and you might get shocked<br>We might seem weird but that`s part of the drill<br>We`re sane compared to the rest of Beverly Hills<br><br>Woah! Is that Ozzy?<br>Uh, huh huh huh. Ozzy`s an old fart<br>{*both laugh*}<br>Yeah, heh heh. Woah, chick it out. A mini-Ozzy<br>Huh huh huh, yeah. He`s a dork<br>Yeah. Um. Hey Butthead. What`s all that beeping?<br>Uh, I dunno. Maybe there`s a truck backing up or something<br>Yeah, heh heh. The Ozzmobile! Hehehe<br>{*Batman theme*} Du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh<br>Ddu-nuh du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh Ozzy!<br>Du-nuh du-nuh du-nuh..<br>Shut up, assmunch!<br>Heh, hmm heh. Sorry `bout that<br>Beavis, check it out! A chick!<br>Hm, cool! Uuuum. What`s the matter with her hair?<br>Uh huh huh. Come to Butthead<br>{*both chant Iron Man riff*}<br><br>Long hair I`m brushin`, we have a discussion<br>And they bleep half the show `cause we can`t stop cussin`<br>I crunch a quarter note, I sacrifice a goat<br>I watch the weather channel `cause I can`t work the remote<br>MTV paid it, our show`s the highest rated<br>Anna Nicole is just way too sedated<br>But sooner or later I`ll need a translater<br>Mumble like Schwartzenegger in Terminator<br>Guitar chord ripper, Perrier sipper<br>Walk around the house in my fuzzy bunny slippers<br>Flesh like leather, worn and weathered<br>Take the blame a lot myself, but we`re all in this together<br>My kids creations don`t cause ovations<br>They don`t have talent, but they have agents<br>Critics wanna diss, fans don`t wanna miss<br>A lot of networks got a show but it ain`t like this<br><br>Jack. Uh huh huh