Number One

<br>I am a gambler<br>I am Fortune`s son<br>I am the first mate of the NCC-1701D<br>Well I had an encounter at Farpoint Station<br>With a little touch of constipation<br>While I was waiting to come aboard and meet my crew<br>But when the captain arrived I got this feeling inside<br>That there was something that I needed to do<br>And it`s true<br>That when I got to my quarters there was something missing<br>I didn`t have a pot to piss in<br>But I was too proud to ask an ensign where to go<br>And so I flashed with a smile and held it in for awhile<br>And tried not to let it show<br>But you know<br>CHORUS:<br>I asked the ship`s computer<br>I checked the technical guide<br>But there are no bathrooms on the Enterprise<br>I`ve been here seven days<br>And I can`t wait anymore<br>Pretty soon I`m gonna boldly go where no one`s ever gone before<br>I can`t sit down, I`m in some condition<br>How`d Kirk survive on a five year mission?<br>This new assignment is getting harder to endure<br>Cause I ain`t feeling so great and I`m putting on lots of weight<br>I couldn`t make it through a three hour tour<br>That`s for sure<br>And now I`ve gained twenty pounds and I grew a beard<br>How could I shave without a bathroom mirror?<br>If I don`t get some relief I`m gonna split my skin<br>Cause I`m as round as a globe and if I don`t launch a probe<br>Soon I`ll weigh enough to be my own twin<br>My transporter twin<br>CHORUS