Le Machine

<br>I got a little gal with an appetite,<br>She`s got me half-scared to go home at night;<br>I never seen a woman so hard to please.<br>She got me worn out got me weak in my knees,<br>I can`t take my rest, she won`t let me sleep,<br>And she`s made me promise things I can`t keep;<br>So I went downtown to the novelty shop;<br>Told the storekeeper want the best he`s got;<br>He said he keeps the finest line of marital aids,<br>But they ain`t cheap toys, have I means to pay.<br>I said I got a Visa and a Mastercard,<br>At least a thousand dollar trade-in if he`ll take my car.<br>He took me to the back room and opened the safe,<br>And off the shelf pulled a red velvet case.<br>Said "This is only offered to select clientele,<br>Where you got it you must never tell;<br>It`s a military secret here and abroad,<br>And everywhere else it`s against the law".<br>"It`s got a microprocessor and eight meg of ram,<br>A thousand selectable user programs,<br>And the operating system has biofeeds,<br>It always knows what your baby needs.<br>The thrills and excitement that she fantasize<br>Through virtual reality are realized".<br>"It can run automatic, or manual control,<br>Variate its temperature from hot to cold,<br>It caresses and manipulates, it tickles and stings<br>Her erogenous zones - it makes her little bells ring;<br>And medically proven, and clinically safe,<br>Its got safety overload features just in case".<br>"Its got a eight hundred number, user hotline,<br>Ain`t no elevator music there to waste your time;<br>The replacement guarantee is the very best,<br>You get a new one shipped air freight express;<br>It simply is the finest model we`ve ever seen<br>The French women call it `Le Machine`".<br>I got peace of mind, got contentment and bliss,<br>I never knew that love could be as easy as this.<br>I can stay up late now and watch TV,<br>Or turn in early as the mood suits me;<br>And my baby loves me for what I`ve done,<br>She says I`m "the only man allowed to power on!"