Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday

Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday<br /> Whatever you do watch what you say<br /> If you’re easily offended well that’s okay<br /> It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday<br /> <br /> We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.<br /> <br /> How �bout we sing some holiday songs? <br /> Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?<br /> Yeah, I got one.<br /> <br /> Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches...<br /> <br /> Why am I getting bleeped again?<br /> Haven’t you heard guys? You can’t say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday<br /> I can’t say Chri-biip-mas?<br /> No, you might offend somebody.<br /> Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?<br /> You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.<br /> What?<br /> Time to politically correct.<br /> <br /> I’ll lead this off.<br /> <br /> On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me…<br /> <br /> Jimmy, are you listening?<br /> What?<br /> You can’t say Chri-biip-mas.<br /> Why not?<br /> If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,<br /> Why can’t I say Chri-biip-mas?<br /> I didn’t make the rules.<br /> Hey listen guys, it’s not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.<br /> You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say I’m dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.<br /> Why did I get bleeped? <br /> You’ve got to say Caucasian.<br /> So I have to sing, I’m dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?<br /> Sure, that won’t offend anyone.<br /> <br /> Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,<br /> Whatever you do watch what you say<br /> If you’re easily offended well that’s okay<br /> <br /> Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?<br /> <br /> It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday<br /> <br /> I’m just trying to come up with a song here.<br /> Let’s sing one together, everybody ready? George?<br /> Ready.<br /> Bill you ready?<br /> I’m ready.<br /> Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?<br /> Okay!<br /> <br /> We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we’ve traveled real far….<br /> <br /> Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.<br /> What?<br /> Oh, come on just try.<br /> I`ve got to get hyped up for this.<br /> <br /> We three kings of Asia are…. <br /> <br /> That sounds like horse cr-biiiip<br /> Oh lord, okay. How �bout Little Drummer boy?<br /> Nope, that offends short people.<br /> And you can’t say drummer �cause that`ll offend real musicians.<br /> <br /> How �bout little –hahaha- town of Bethlehem.<br /> What’s with all the short jokes?<br /> <br /> Hey how �bout we do Silent Night?<br /> No, it offends people hard of hearin` and afraid of the dark.<br /> What did he say about a shark?<br /> SHARK?<br /> <br /> This happens every year.<br /> <br /> Well, it’s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,<br /> Whatever you do watch what you say,<br /> If you’re easily offended well that’s okay,<br /> It’s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.<br /> <br /> Ho! ho! ho!<br /> No.<br /> I can’t say ho?<br /> No, you might offend some... women.<br /> So basically, we can’t sing anything?<br /> <br /> I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.<br /> Softer, George, it’s more effective.<br /> I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.<br /> Wait just a dar-biip minute...<br /> No, no, no..<br /> You now what? I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.<br /> Louder, Bill, it’s more effective.<br /> I don’t care who we offend, I’m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.<br /> Me too.<br /> <br /> We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.<br /> <br /> We can’t say new; it’ll offend the old folks. <br /> And you better not offend them.<br /> <br /> Us…