Joe`s Garage

<br>A boring old garage in a residential area with a teen-age band<br>rehearsing in it. JOE (the main character in the CENTRAL<br>SCRUTINIZER`S Special Presentation) sings to us of the trials and<br>tribulations of garage-band husbandry.<br><br>Central Scrutinizer:<br>We take you now, to a garage, in Canoga Park.<br><br>Frank Zappa:<br>(It makes it`s own sauce...)<br><br>Joe:<br>It wasn`t very large<br>There was just enough room to cram the drums<br>In the corner over by the Dodge<br>It was a fifty-four<br>With a mashed up door<br>And a cheesy little amp<br>With a sign on the front said "Fender Champ"<br>And a second hand guitar<br>It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar<br><br>At this point, LARRY (a guy who will eventually give up music and<br>earn a respectable living as a roadie for a group called Toad-O)<br>joins in the song...<br><br>Larry:<br>We could jam in Joe`s Garage<br>His mama was screamin`<br>His dad was mad<br>We was playin` the same old song<br>In the afternoon `n` sometimes we would<br>Play it all night long<br>It was all we knew, `n` easy too<br>So we wouldn`t get it wrong<br>All we did was bend the string like...<br>Hey!<br>Down in Joe`s Garage<br>We didn`t have no dope or LSD<br>But a coupla quartsa beer<br>Would fix it so the intonation<br>Would not offend yer ear<br>And the same old chords goin` over `n` over<br>Became a symphony<br>We would play it again `n` again `n` again<br>`Cause it sounded good to me<br>ONE MORE TIME!<br>We could jam in Joe`s Garage<br>His mama was screamin`,<br>"TURN IT DOWN!"<br>We was playing` the same old song<br>In the afternoon `n` sometimes we would<br>Play it all night long<br>It was all we knew, and easy too<br>So we wouldn`t get it wrong<br>Even if you played it on a saxophone<br>We thought we was pretty good<br>We talked about keepin` the band together<br>`N` we figured that we should<br>`Cause about this time we was gettin` the eye<br>From the girls in the neighborhood<br>They`d all come over `n` dance around<br>like...<br><br>Twenty teen-age girls dash<br>in and go STOMP-CLAP,<br>STOMP-CLAP-CLAP...<br><br>So we picked out a stupid name<br>Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks<br>`N` we was on our way to fame<br>Got matching suits `N` Beatle Boots<br>`N` a sign on the back of the car<br>`N` we was ready to work in a GO-GO Bar<br><br>ONE TWO THREE FOUR<br>LET`S SEE IF YOU GOT SOME MORE!<br><br>People seemed to like our song<br>They got up `n` danced `n` made a lotta noise<br>An` it wasn`t `fore very long<br>A guy from a company we can`t name<br>Said we oughta take his pen<br>`N` sign on the line for a real good time<br>But he didn`t tell us when<br>These "good times" would be somethin`<br>That was really happenin`<br>So the band broke up<br>An` it looks like<br>We will never play again...<br><br>Joe:<br>Guess you only get one chance in life<br>To play a song that goes like...<br><br>(And, as the band plays their little song,<br>MRS. BORG (who keeps her son SY,<br>in the closet with the vacuum cleaner)<br>screams out the window...<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>Turn it down!<br>Turn it DOWN!<br>I have children sleeping here...<br>Don`t you boys know any nice songs?<br><br>Joe:<br>(Speculating on the future)<br>Well the years was rollin` by, yeah<br>Heavy Metal `n` Glitter Rock<br>Had caught the public eye, yeah<br>Snotty boys with lipstick on<br>Was really flyin` high, yeah<br>`N` then they got that Disco thing<br>`N` New Wave came along<br>`N` all of a sudden I thought the time<br>Had come for that old song<br>We used to play in "Joe`s Garage"<br>And if I am not wrong<br>You will soon be dancin` to...<br><br>Central Scrutinizer:<br>The WHITE ZONE is<br>for loading and<br>unloading only. If you<br>gotta load or unload,<br>go to the WHITE<br>ZONE. You`ll love it...<br><br>Joe:<br>Well the years was rollin` by (etc.)...<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>I`m calling THE POLICE!<br>I did it! They`ll be here...shortly!<br><br>Officer Butzis:<br>This is the Police...<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>I`m not joking around anymore<br><br>Officer Butzis:<br>We have the garage surrounded<br>If you give yourself up<br>We will not harm you<br>Or hurt you neither<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>You`ll see them<br><br>Officer Butzis:<br>This is the Police<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>There they are, they`re coming!<br><br>Officer Butzis:<br>Give yourself up<br>We will not harm you<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>Listen to that mess, would you?<br><br>Officer Butzis:<br>This is the Police<br>Give yourself up<br>We have the garage surrounded<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>Everday this goes on around here!<br><br>Officer Butzis:<br>We will not harm you, or maim you<br>(SWAT Team 4, move in!)<br><br>Mrs. Borg:<br>He used cut my grass...<br>He was very nice boy...<br>That`s DISGUSTING!!<br><br>Central Scrutinizer:<br>This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER...<br>That was Joe`s first confrontation with The Law.<br>Naturally, we were easy on him.<br>One of our friendly counselors gave him<br>A do-nut...and told him to<br>Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.