Absolutely Positively..... Practical Jok

<br>I play practical jokes, just to get a laugh (ha hah)<br><br>I put roaches in my neighbors bubblebath<br><br>But anyway one day she called upon me<br><br>She said, &quot;lyte - its an emergency!&quot;<br><br>My next door neighbor had an errand to run<br><br>I said, &quot;why ms. davis - ask your son&quot;<br><br>She said, &quot;rickys at his grandmothers&quot;<br><br>I said, &quot;well what about tommy, the younger brother? &quot;<br><br>She said, &quot;see, umm, hes at the pharmacy&quot;<br><br>I said, &quot;hell be back soon how much longer could it be? &quot;<br><br>She said, &quot;cmon please, its just a trip uptown<br><br>If you leave right now youll be back before sundown<br><br>Hurry up, theres not a moment to spare<br><br>It absolutely positively has to get there&quot;<br><br>Umm, I contemplated then I played a good samaritan<br><br>I started the car, then she threw the package in<br><br><br><br>It absolutely positively has to get there<br><br>(get there? )<br><br>It absolutely positively has to get there<br><br>(well then send it federal express!)<br><br>It absolutely positively has to get there<br><br>(it gotta get there? )<br><br>It absolutely positively got to get there!<br><br>(yo who you rushin? )<br><br><br><br>Pumpin out the music on the fdr<br><br>Not far behind me was a dt car<br><br>So I eased up selector, 55 the digit<br><br>But on the fdr, 40 is the limit<br><br>Here they come, sirens on<br><br>I could see myself in jail til the break of dawn<br><br>But they rolled right by it wasnt me they was after<br><br>A little red corvette, they was tryin to capture<br><br>Dread I feel sweat so I set down my jacket<br><br>Look up ahead, now thats what I call traffic<br><br>Dipped to an exit and I made my way through<br><br>Couldnt believe when I hit first avenue<br><br>On a hondas ass, just about to crash<br><br>Looked at the gauge and the shit said no gas<br><br>Zero, nada, nothing in here see<br><br>In car terms the shit was on empty<br><br>Got out, and pushed the shit to the side<br><br>Hailed a cab, then I caught a quick ride<br><br>To the house of inflation, yes the gas station<br><br>Gave a little tip to show my appreciation<br><br>Got back to the ave where I left my car<br><br>It wasnt there, but it couldnt have gone far<br><br>Hot damn, I must have got towed<br><br>Tried to figure out how much money I owed<br><br>Went to the pound and I paid my debt<br><br>Think that was the worst? you aint heard nuttin yet<br><br>Bumped into that crackhead sam I used to see<br><br>And like always, hand out, give me money<br><br>In my tank was a dollars worth of gas<br><br>I had to get an ? machine fast<br><br><br><br>It absolutely positively has to get there<br><br>(get there? )<br><br>It absolutely positively got to get there<br><br>(what? )<br><br>It absolutely positively got to get there<br><br>(well send it some way else)<br><br>It absolutely positively has to get there<br><br><br><br>As I left the bank to walk back to the bm<br><br>Couldnt believe what my eyes were seein<br><br>Looked at the back tire, it was flate<br><br>While the other three, were so damn fat<br><br>A brother walked by and offered his help<br><br>Ordinarily I woulda did the shit myself<br><br>But he, changed it quick, so I passed him a ten<br><br>Here I go on this journey again<br><br>Went to the gas station, to fill it up<br><br>When a crackhead from nowhere grabbed the pump<br><br>I said, &quot;look, I dont need your help today&quot;<br><br>And I scared the motherfucker and he was on his way<br><br>Oops, a cat, shit, scrat!<br><br>Fur on my tires, and all that<br><br>Whats this, a stroke of bad luck? <br><br>But at this point, I dont even give a fuck<br><br>I got to get the package to the destination<br><br>No matter what the confrontation<br><br>I arrive, bag in my hand<br><br>Lookin for a woman named pam<br><br>She opened the bag it was wrapped tight and snug<br><br>But in that bag yo, in that bag<br><br>45, guess what? (what was it lyte? )<br><br>It was a box of q-tips .. a box of fuckin q-tips man!!!<br><br>{*laughter*}