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Until Now

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Christine Lavin
"Until Now"
"Yes, I know I drink too much," he said, "but it`s under control.
I`ve never picked a fight with a stranger; I`ve had no accidents on the road.
It doesn`t interfere with my work; it eases the strain.
I make more money than I ever did; no one has ever complained.
Until now and I wonder just what your motivation is
Until now I never thought of you as one who`d meddle in my business."
He is not my boyfriend; he`s not related to me.
I have known him for a long, long time; I`m worried by what I see.
There`s a nervous edginess that only drinking smooths.
When I question him about this, he says, "What are you trying to prove?
Until now, I have thought of you as the non-judgemental type.
Now I see you`ve been reading too many magazines, believing all that
self-help hype."
He`s the life of the party; he`s everybody`s pal.
He used to act like he liked me until now.
Now we`re waiting for the axe to fall, the phone call that shatters the night.
Or maybe he will surprise us all, wake up one day and see the light.
So I`m standing in the shadows with open eyes and closed mouth,
Knowing every day that passes, he`s farther away from drying out.
Until now I was able to look the other way.
Until now I could pretend that what I thought didn`t matter anyway.

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